long long time ago
well, again long ago that I wrote ... but what the heck ... now I'll probably just babble a bit of babble and sake, and please forgive me if punctuation, spelling and the like more care, are sometimes present and sometimes absent .... like me ...
I like reggae music even if I just do not hear ... I'm sick and so ... ok this is not a direct or even causal relationship but no matter .... my head throbbed so loudly enough for me :-) I'm cold ...
I am almost always cold, if I do not cold, I am warm, too warm .... But then I quickly cold again .... it is very cold from the inside, but oh well ...
I really do not know what I should write ... I write again .... I probably could as well be silent, but well .... I shut up my wall and write, must read it so no one and therefore almost all would be served as it is each to either read or not read ... except my wall that can not read and will be silent to it ... However, to date she has complained yet and until then it will continue so handled as me in the mood .... that poor wall .... if they sometimes feel lonely? I suppose ... Although it has many other walls, but no resembles her .... my wall is also inclined certainly sadistic, not that they cause themselves for active schmerzzufügung would be, but oh well ... means to an end or a silent observer .... in the eyes of my imaginary wall popular instruments of torture are likely to be diverse subjects ... math and inf, German and English and chemistry probably mainly .... oh yes ... I can already hear the cries of joy in my wall, when the next exam is due .... she loves in cold blood and in such painful silence silent witness this lernerei that it seems as if the air freezes and small icicle fly around popping out of a large shredding of tension would have to ... well ... my wall has seen much, heard much, and probably also laughed a lot ... it has only a spark compassion she has been crying a lot, but I doubt it, because I have never heard her crying and when I laugh, it may well be that they mitlacht, or take sadistic sorry to my happy ... well ... we can rest my wall, I let the first or not, of course, because they would do that, they would have their genuine pleasure at the crumbling house and crushed the piece of meat, which includes me once .... and this joy I would not treat her, even if it would be their last pleasure .... well, you want to scold me selfish, and has certainly right, but no, I refuse to ... well ... but in the end plays no role, since I do not even know if my wall currently is consciousness, or whether she is asleep as usual and nothing mitkriegt of what is happening around them .... it certainly is tired ... and must rest, in the next few weeks it will have much to laugh .... they would be compassionate and capable of empathy then she would cry ... but that's not likely ... well ... blah enough about my wall .... it is not like the spotlight and is ashamed she mischievously when she noticed to long and hard ...
now ... one must herein do not see sense ... not even guess he must be ... my tired head becomes slower and the data transfer works only sometimes incorrectly ... well ... How to do it and tomorrow is school again ... like today and on other days before ....
sinnfrei it seems ...
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Kates Playground Ring O
cry
anything for some time .... I know .... 've last written a story, but it is probably too long to post it here (ok, so long it is again not) but anyway .... hmm ... just need someone to write or talk to anyone .... and so I write now simply here .... may be deleted I see it again, maybe I let it but so are just as I write .... I do not see much ... do not be on Brile .... but I see not much else .... I feel nothing, I'm at the end .... if I can feel what it is pain, usually physically .... I can not cry anymore because I'm desperate or have hurt me emotionally ... but still reaches only one look and I cry .... I am not logical, but I do not care ... I do not know what is .... only think of knives or other things ... 'm considering to cut the poor but I do not want it because it would be unfair and not justified ... what it would be different if I would feel me terribly desperate ... ok, I have no plan more and can not .... but it is an almost callous as .... I can not .... I think that I only go on the nerves .... I'm sorry.
really concerns me is not so bad, I've self ...
'you mean well with us, like a father to his children, I hear preaching grad ne ... which was prayed here .... hmmm .... well ... I know myself ... but somehow ... oh wtf .... I can not think anymore and I do not want it too .... I wish I could be better, but this will not work and is perhaps a good thing .... soon it's all over ... sometimes it feels like again ... sometimes I do not understand what I say here really wanted to .... soon everything back as before, it is not better, but different from now, somehow it goes on and I die every day a little more ....
asked myself whether I still sometimes go to the doctor because of my stomach or whatever .... I have a lot of places, but what's already out here ....
feels everything is incorrectly or not at all feel and that is wrong .... I have no will, but no anger .... I'm considering whether to take me and let me work unquestioningly anything .... I see nothing ... and I do not want .... I do not want to go home. I want him to come and console me, but I want that he sleeps when he comes I wipe my eyes and say 'nothing' and I still do not think or repressed, perhaps what I eat ..... maybe things will get better, maybe I feel maybe I also feel God and his intervention, perhaps all leads to good so I can see it and understand .... might happen not what I was thinking ... my negative dream in which I liked as a kid quasi fans are perhaps true, perhaps not ... maybe I need to live on, perhaps I need not die ... maybe I should be glad ... maybe I need to lose myself to myself ... but sometimes I think that I should find me and know this first .... 'm indifferent. I am exhausted.
papa, please help me! but you see my tears, right? sorry but you see my .... hilf mir doch. ich muss mich wohl selbst überwinden, aber du kannst das besser, also bitte bitte tu was.
tarí
anything for some time .... I know .... 've last written a story, but it is probably too long to post it here (ok, so long it is again not) but anyway .... hmm ... just need someone to write or talk to anyone .... and so I write now simply here .... may be deleted I see it again, maybe I let it but so are just as I write .... I do not see much ... do not be on Brile .... but I see not much else .... I feel nothing, I'm at the end .... if I can feel what it is pain, usually physically .... I can not cry anymore because I'm desperate or have hurt me emotionally ... but still reaches only one look and I cry .... I am not logical, but I do not care ... I do not know what is .... only think of knives or other things ... 'm considering to cut the poor but I do not want it because it would be unfair and not justified ... what it would be different if I would feel me terribly desperate ... ok, I have no plan more and can not .... but it is an almost callous as .... I can not .... I think that I only go on the nerves .... I'm sorry.
really concerns me is not so bad, I've self ...
'you mean well with us, like a father to his children, I hear preaching grad ne ... which was prayed here .... hmmm .... well ... I know myself ... but somehow ... oh wtf .... I can not think anymore and I do not want it too .... I wish I could be better, but this will not work and is perhaps a good thing .... soon it's all over ... sometimes it feels like again ... sometimes I do not understand what I say here really wanted to .... soon everything back as before, it is not better, but different from now, somehow it goes on and I die every day a little more ....
asked myself whether I still sometimes go to the doctor because of my stomach or whatever .... I have a lot of places, but what's already out here ....
feels everything is incorrectly or not at all feel and that is wrong .... I have no will, but no anger .... I'm considering whether to take me and let me work unquestioningly anything .... I see nothing ... and I do not want .... I do not want to go home. I want him to come and console me, but I want that he sleeps when he comes I wipe my eyes and say 'nothing' and I still do not think or repressed, perhaps what I eat ..... maybe things will get better, maybe I feel maybe I also feel God and his intervention, perhaps all leads to good so I can see it and understand .... might happen not what I was thinking ... my negative dream in which I liked as a kid quasi fans are perhaps true, perhaps not ... maybe I need to live on, perhaps I need not die ... maybe I should be glad ... maybe I need to lose myself to myself ... but sometimes I think that I should find me and know this first .... 'm indifferent. I am exhausted.
papa, please help me! but you see my tears, right? sorry but you see my .... hilf mir doch. ich muss mich wohl selbst überwinden, aber du kannst das besser, also bitte bitte tu was.
tarí
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Working Out To Hide Pectus Carinatum
madness
i hear sweet sounds
i walk dark grounds
i feel maniacs rising
in dark streets surprising
they are waiting for you
this ain't a song about my sadness
or a poem just out of gladness
this won't be any help out of mess
cuz it's a story about our madness
my mind goes crazy
my sense gets lazy
feelings cool down
head wents downtown
madness is rising
the dark is disguising
black and filthy
i'll never be guilty
darkness is hiding
all of my fighting
you'll never see me
in the shape i will be
appearing to you
in a night or two
when my mind is gone
and madness' won
the beast awakes
all trembles and shakes
when the beast comes out
and frightens the crowd
i hope for you
when the beast comes through
that my madman side
will fear the light
so stay in bed
when nights going mad
and my dark side appears
which is causing you fears
but i can't guarantee
that the madman won't be
creeping in your room
in the shadows of the moon
longing for your soul
and try to reach the goal
of awaking the little maniac in you
you'll serve me well in evrything you do
i'm your mistress, hear me now
you'll go crazy, you will bow
hear the sweet sounds
bow, bow to the grounds
bow to the ground before your mistress
declare the kingdom of my madness
union all the maniacs for me
search evrywhere and let them free
everyone's crazy, everyone's mad
release them all, tell them what i said
serve me well and fullfill my order
bring madness forth to evry border
look into my eyes, recieve my will
your soul is alive as you serve me still
perhaps when you are once released
you still have the chance to rest in peace
don't try to resist or to run away
madness is there evry night and day
put down your weapons, stop that fight
i won't leave you because of light
you're mine and darkness is my own
you can't stop madness all alone
you can't resist as i already told
you're a maniac for life either hot or cold
come to me, my children of the night
your mistress is not the one you have to fight
yes, i went crazy, i'm a maniac at last
and all other things are laying in the past
but that's no reason to fight the current state
you'll learn to accept, so serve and wait
no no, don't open your eyes
don't look at the world as it is cuz it lies
no no, let my madman survive
or else i loose my way to stay alive
no no, don't let me
down I'll be in your dreams, I'll wear my crown
i am your mistress, I'll keep you here
you can not run away, I'll keep you near
if you leave me you'll
be lost and i will keep you at any cost
i will not loose you, you're not free
all the maniacs have to stay with me.
i hear sweet sounds
i walk dark grounds
i feel maniacs rising
in dark streets surprising
they are waiting for you
this ain't a song about my sadness
or a poem just out of gladness
this won't be any help out of mess
cuz it's a story about our madness
my mind goes crazy
my sense gets lazy
feelings cool down
head wents downtown
madness is rising
the dark is disguising
black and filthy
i'll never be guilty
darkness is hiding
all of my fighting
you'll never see me
in the shape i will be
appearing to you
in a night or two
when my mind is gone
and madness' won
the beast awakes
all trembles and shakes
when the beast comes out
and frightens the crowd
i hope for you
when the beast comes through
that my madman side
will fear the light
so stay in bed
when nights going mad
and my dark side appears
which is causing you fears
but i can't guarantee
that the madman won't be
creeping in your room
in the shadows of the moon
longing for your soul
and try to reach the goal
of awaking the little maniac in you
you'll serve me well in evrything you do
i'm your mistress, hear me now
you'll go crazy, you will bow
hear the sweet sounds
bow, bow to the grounds
bow to the ground before your mistress
declare the kingdom of my madness
union all the maniacs for me
search evrywhere and let them free
everyone's crazy, everyone's mad
release them all, tell them what i said
serve me well and fullfill my order
bring madness forth to evry border
look into my eyes, recieve my will
your soul is alive as you serve me still
perhaps when you are once released
you still have the chance to rest in peace
don't try to resist or to run away
madness is there evry night and day
put down your weapons, stop that fight
i won't leave you because of light
you're mine and darkness is my own
you can't stop madness all alone
you can't resist as i already told
you're a maniac for life either hot or cold
come to me, my children of the night
your mistress is not the one you have to fight
yes, i went crazy, i'm a maniac at last
and all other things are laying in the past
but that's no reason to fight the current state
you'll learn to accept, so serve and wait
no no, don't open your eyes
don't look at the world as it is cuz it lies
no no, let my madman survive
or else i loose my way to stay alive
no no, don't let me
down I'll be in your dreams, I'll wear my crown
i am your mistress, I'll keep you here
you can not run away, I'll keep you near
if you leave me you'll
be lost and i will keep you at any cost
i will not loose you, you're not free
all the maniacs have to stay with me.
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